10 Commandments for Technology Users

As the semester swings into full gear, we’ve already resolved thousands of code requests, problem reports, and information requests. Every problem is a little bit different, but, of course, we’re problem-solvers by trade. And to be a problem-solver, you need to be able to identify patterns and make connections between seemingly unconnected things. Given the amount and diversity of problems we encounter regarding technology on a daily basis, we’ve made connections and compiled a quick list of items that, when followed, are guaranteed to make your life as a human user of technology easier.

(For maximum tongue-in-cheek internet hilarity, we’ve made this list in 10-commandment-style awesomeness.)

The 10 Commandments for Technology Users

10. Thou Needeth Not Be Rude To Get Some Help.

Hath not tech support eyes? Hath not tech support hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affection, passions? Are they not fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same computer viruses? They know what it’s like to feel frustrated; that’s why they work hard to fix problems in a timely manner.

9. Thou Shalt Turn It Off and On Again.

It really does work.

8. Thou Shalt Plan Ahead.

We get it, who doesn’t love to wait till the last minute? Unfortunately, this can have adverse affects on getting the help you need when you need it. So help tech support help you: submit those code requests early, request those special event operators in advance, give them notice when you want a training. They live to serve but, in the immortal (paraphrased) words of Billy Joel, “Only the good die young.”

Er, we mean, “We’re only human (whoo whoo, or whatever they’re saying).”

7. Thou Shalt Not Fiddle With Weird Equipment.

If you can’t get equipment to work, hulking out on it is always a bad idea (if a tempting one). A good rule of thumb is, if you can’t get the equipment to work just by turning it on (and then off and on again), give tech support a call–they’re there to help! No need to flip switches and unplug cables on your own.

6. Thou Shalt Have To Bring Thine Own Mac Adapter. (Sorry.)

…except that technology. Not to fear, however: Illini Union Tech Zone sells adapters!

5. Thou Shalt Not Take Stuff.

Walking off with the wireless microphone on accident is understandable, as is accidentally exiting the room with a VGA cable. But please bring it back?

4. Thou Shalt Let People Know If Someone Has Taken Stuff.

Tell tech support if a crucial piece of technology that you’re used to using isn’t there one day. It was probably walked off with unintentionally, though you may want to make a list of your enemies, their motives, and their opportunities, just in case. Tell tech support about the issue and all will be well.

3.  Thou Shalt Not Covet Ancient Technology. 

Moving on can be difficult. The “It’s not you, it’s me” speech might not go over as well with a stubborn slide projector as it did with your last boyfriend, but, trust us, the breakup is for the best. Let tech support know your technology needs, and they’ll show you that there’s plenty of (better!) fish in the classroom.

2. Thou Shalt Not Use Technology Cabinets As Grade Distribution Centers.

Please take unretrieved, graded student work with you when you leave the classroom. And scantrons, golf pencils, hats, and flashdrives with half-written vampire novels on them (you know who you are!)  should probably also not be left. Leaving them there makes them vulnerable to theft or damage.

1. Thou Shalt Call When Thou Needest Help.

Call your tech support! If you need help, let them know–theyre here for you! Chances are, they’ll be able to fix the problem in as little as 10 minutes.Which is way better than shooting inanimate technology the stink-eye for an entire semester.

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